The Search for Loving Forgiveness Story on iLvStories

Prologue

_________

Hello, ladies and gentleman. A special shout-out to my beloved Mabel is in order as I dedicate this message to her in the hope that she might forgive me for my recent heinous actions. This is a heartfelt message straight from the man himself, Bobby Larry.

_________

Message Start

_________

Chapter 1

I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve anyone, really. I’m sorry that this crazy bastard that I am chose out of all the women in that little store we toil in, it had to be you. Looking from the so-called competition, it was probably obvious why I wanted you. You have such a lovely, albeit rather unkempt, brunette ponytail. You have a perky, lively manner of walking, something that is still quite apparent when you’re waiting in line, always dancing the time away. You have a such a lovely voice. Now granted, you still sound so much like a girl even though you’re a full-figured woman, through and through. Still, it does make you sound quite youthful, though I imagine you’ll lose such voice by the time you hit 40. However, if there is one physical trait that stands out from everything else, it’s your eyes. They’re beautiful, soft, warmth-giving eyes. When I ever see those eyes with that smile of yours, I seriously feel that the vast, multiple troubles and travails in my life are gone. Those irises of milky azure rope me in into some strange, ethereal world since I don’t see many people with such a color. The rest of your countenance then ropes me into a calming mood which in turn completes a sensation that all of the stresses that I had before seeing your smile are someplace else. It really does feel that I may have seen, for a few seconds, a glimpse into heaven.

—————————————Interrupting Side Story 1 Start—————————————–

Sometimes I listen to “Photograph” by Def Leppard whenever I imagine your physical presence. Okay, I try to imagine that tune as your theme song just for the rockin’ themes of infatuation. Yeah, I’m not one for the “contemporary” music of today with its dubstep, hip-hop, techno BS I don’t give a crap about. I’m weird like that. I just like that classic rock from yesteryear. With that in mind, that song of the same name by Nickelback can go to hell!

————————————–Interrupting Side Story 1 End——————————————

I just want to go on record saying that while I found you attractive- and I still do at times -I am somehow not thrown completely out of whack to know that you sure as hell won’t be winning any beauty contests. That nose of yours could really use some straightening up, since it looks like it was smooshed by some wall from a few years back. Do you not have the means to buy some decent shampoo and conditioner to rein in that hair of yours? I see so many split ends and stray hairs everywhere that if you wore a bum’s clothes, I’d think you were that indigent. The most glaring physical feature I see is when you’re not smiling, your face seems to express one of two expressions: sad or angry. Of course, I saved the biggest flaw for last: your short stature. I’m like 6 feet 4 inches tall, and you’re what, like 5 feet tall? Still, there was an attractive hold you had on me despite your homunculus build. I thought to myself “How the hell could I be in love with such a woman? It’d be a struggle to kiss each other since I’d have to crouch or she’d have to climb a ladder of sorts. If I did do impossible and have a relationship with this woman, she’d only have me around as a human cherry picker. If I really wanted to date diminutive beings, I’d date some distant relative from my mother’s side of the family.” I could spend the rest of my time taking cheap shots at your shortness, but I won’t this cruel anymore, I promise. I only wanted to tell you that I know you’re not the most attractive woman in the world, especially given the customer base at our workplace, which can sometimes bring in quite the number of lookers in there. Nevertheless, in the face of more attractive women coming in and out of that establishment, you beat them all in terms of getting me hooked on to you since your aforementioned physical flaws, combined with the lack of makeup which I must give kudos because you don’t hide anything and good on you, combined with the good parts of you make me feel that I’m seeing a real, raw beauty in my midst. I’d like to know more about you, but since I’m the most depraved, decrepit, unbelievably timid and awkward guy in the world, I took the coward’s way of knowing you.

Chapter 2

It’s been over a year since I first met you, and while we’ve had a small chat here and there, my timidity must’ve put you off as me being cold and distant. I’m actually scared and desperate, I assure you. I always thought you were cute, but it was only in the last two months that I thought that you could be more than that. That’s when I began to search you on the Internet for your social media profiles. I discovered them and I enjoyed of what I saw. The lively, joyful life I saw posted- and I’m sure there’s far more of that I haven’t seen that is rightfully for your eyes only -really matches the sunny disposition I see in the physical space.

—————————————Interrupting Side Story 2 Start—————————————–

I listen to “Kids In America” by Kim Wilde while I searched for you. I like listening to upbeat New Wave music, though I imagine you’d wouldn’t care for this genre. Sometimes I also listen to “We Got the Beat” by the Go-Go’s which by the way is so far the only female band I would ever care about.

—————————————Interrupting Side Story 2 End——————————————

I’m kind of shocked, amused, and bewildered to see your interests, at least the ones I see in cyberspace. First of all, I am shocked at the number of animal-focused pages on your Facebook account. It’s like large swaths of your liked pages are either around dogs, official fan pages for zoos across the country, or baby animals in general. I like animals myself, but I wonder if you’ve ever taken care of one those creatures for at least one day. I got two dogs myself, and while I love them not I’m gushing with overt praise and affection because they can be a pain in the ass. Another aspect that I did not know about is the number of liked pages dedicated to food. You’re no doubt the thinnest employee at our little establishment, and I never would’ve imagined that you were once a rather chubby girl in the past. I guess doing all those exercises that you found on Pinterest really worked out in the end. Still, you sure love your chocolate, pasta, burger, and especially pizza fan pages, don’t you? I think you may have liked at least one page that promoted healthy living, but you sure love to eat, don’t you? Maybe, out of everything I’ve seen from your online presence, that is something I should emulate. I certainly don’t have the physique of Adonis, that’s for sure. Then, I see that you like all of that Marvel, anime, cosplay, really all of that nerdy shindig activities that I wouldn’t ever associate with you.

—————————————Interrupting Side Story 3 Start—————————————–

Okay, I got to go off-topic for a bit. When I ever I see Facebook pages like “Nerds with Vaginas” and I see pictures of people that are reasonably good-looking, I’m at a loss of how these folks could identify themselves as “nerd”, “geek, etc. I’d say almost all of you guys- and yes, Mabel, I’m including you as well -are far too attractive to identify with such a stigmatizing term. I’m only maybe two or three years older than you, but this “geek pride” phenomenon is a completely alien concept, despite liking the same things that these newfound “geeks” find so interesting.

—————————————Interrupting Side Story 3 End——————————————

I also saw that you love those parenting sites with all of those cute photos and videos of parent-kid interaction. I assume you want to be a mom yourself someday That is a perfect segue into the most glaring factoid about your digital self.

—————————————Interrupting Side Story 4 Start—————————————–

Play “Sister Golden Hair” by America to set the mood. It’s just for a nice mood for the following segment. Yeah, I know you’re a brunette, but just go with it.

—————————————Interrupting Side Story 4 End——————————————

So, I’ve seen you made a few dating profiles on a few websites. Now, I have to ask the following question: Are you insane?! How many times do I have to repeat myself? You’re an attractive woman! I seriously find it hard to believe you haven’t found the right guy yet. Now granted, you’ve dated once before. That may have colored a negative light on relationships for you. Still, I don’t believe you can look me in the eye and tell me that there aren’t at least three single guys you know in your circle of friends that would go out with you. You’re a charmingly beautiful woman with a more gorgeous heart. You’d be doing any guy a favor to even have just one date with you. Anyone who is even around you would know of your luminous grace. So, don’t go out to the reaches of cyberspace to a site where only vapid, distorted depictions of beauty, suaveness, or really any term of attractiveness that those creeps use to hide behind their own worlds of vainglorious, egotistical detritus. You’re better than that. You might be waiting for Mr. Right to come around the corner, but I really think you’d be surprised who could be a real unexpected catch if you asked anyone in your immediate physical reach.

—————————————Interrupting Side Story 5 Start—————————————–

Of course, given your questionable practice of simply abandoning old accounts instead of deleting them means that I may have been reading old, irrelevant content. You might already be in a relationship, or simply not interested in relationships at the moment. The latter scenario would question your current fascination with parenting if you won’t take the first step to starting such a life, but I digress.

—————————————Interrupting Side Story 5 End——————————————

Chapter 3

I thought that with this seemingly harmless observance of your online activities I thought maybe I will work the courage to go ask you out. I thought I would be so clever to perhaps coincidentally (wink wink) participate in activities of your liking, for example taking long walks in parks or going out to a nice Italian restaurant.

—————————————Interrupting Side Story 6 Start—————————————–

I would’ve been okay with anything except for skating. By Zeus, I would prefer anything to skating. I would’ve gone to a wrestling match with you, despite my dismissal of said activity as a fake sport. I would’ve gone and watched all the crappy Rom-Coms that plague every theater since time immemorial. Hell, I would’ve done something I wouldn’t have expected you to like, like going to cockfights or something. Alright, fine. That last activity was something I know you wouldn’t like, but anything other than skating is my point of my little story here.

—————————————Interrupting Side Story 6 End——————————————

I would keep imagining on what to say at the end of the date. It would’ve been memorable, or maybe something that you would’ve made you interrupt my poorly worded sentence with a kiss. I would then leave you at your place to reminisce about the good time you had with me, wanting more. I don’t think that this relationship would’ve been long-term, but it would’ve been a lovely time. I thought that I could take the next step and move forward. That’s when a sobering dose of bitter reality set in.

—————————————Interrupting Side Story 7 Start—————————————–

I’d recommend playing “Where Did Our Love Go” by the Supremes at this point, though I’d prefer Soft Cell’s cover. I prefer that edgy, darker vibe from the latter group than that mushy Motown tune that my mother likes, but that’s just me. It sets the mood for what’s to come.

—————————————Interrupting Side Story 7 End——————————————

I didn’t ask you out, that’s for sure. I had to take a step back and ask yourself the hard truth. “You’re an unpleasant, cowardly, disgrace of a man!”, I said to myself. “Why the hell are trying to get a relationship with this woman? So she can ‘save you’?! From what?! Yourself?! That’s all on you, you bastard! You’re never going to get what you want, romantic or otherwise, because you really are a wretched loser! It’s time to burn this bridge to nowhere. And do me a favor. Never get involved in anyone else’s life. You can’t love and care for yourself, much less someone else.” That was the impetus for ending what couldn’t be. The problem was that I spent over the course of a month spending almost all of my free time thinking about you. I’m not the sort of the guy that forgets easily. I tried simply not looking you up online for a week and I still didn’t succeed in removing you from my life. I couldn’t quit my job either. Everyone needs money, particularly me at the moment. That’s when I took a dark, rash turn for the worst. I had to make a conscious effort to burn bridges with you so I had a good reason to stay away from you.

———————————————-Interrupting Side Story 8 Start———————————

This is going to be dark so playing “My War” by Black Flag, “Slaughter Of The Soul” by At the Gates, “Dead Embryonic Cells” by Sepultura, “Fear of Napalm” by Terrorizer, “Los Angeles” by X, or “Wild Side” by Mötley Crüe. Don’t listen to them all at once at high volume unless you want to go deaf in 20 seconds.

—————————————Interrupting Side Story 8 End——————————————

My puppy love for you turned into hate. I wanted to put the blame for my unrealistic future that was never meant to be on you. I thought this will finally put my imaginative dalliance with you with a very despicable act. I effectively sold your soul to truly depraved devils. I did swiftly and I even had a little cheer for myself for that heinous act. It is something I’ve never done to anyone else in my life. I felt a smug sense of superiority because I thought I tore you a new one. I thought I had the upper hand on someone for once in my life.

Chapter 4

After my darkest hour, I felt that with that act in mind, I could move on and forget that about this woman with this dark stain on her name. I anticipated that there would’ve been a change in my own feelings of self-worth. In short, I thought I would be feeling satisfied. That feeling never came. Indeed, nothing that I thought would feel ever came. I’m sure you know what I did now. The realization that someone did this to you is beyond words, I reckon. I can see that you’re avoiding me at work either by eyeing my movements, running away from me once your shift’s over, and looking the other way when riding a vehicle.

—————————————Interrupting Side Story 9 Start—————————————–

Yeah, I noticed you at least three times outside of work. I remember the first two times you looking at me furtively. I was befuddled as to why you were looking at me rather longingly, even as the car move a greater distance from each other. Of course, I knew that you realize that I hurt you because the third time I saw you ducking your head to avoid seeing my derelict and morally compromised face.

—————————————Interrupting Side Story 9 End——————————————

I’m sure you’re looking for somewhere else to work, though if there was any sense of justice in the world, I should be sacked. I thought that with my act I would stop caring about you, but instead I feel nothing but remorse.

—————————————-Interrupting Side Story 10 Start—————————————

This is the part where I’d listen to “Edge of Seventeen” by Stevie Nicks. If nothing else, it to mourn any lost goodwill you may have for me, if even care to think of me in any way other than hateful terms.

——————————————Interrupting Side Story 10 End————————————–

I’m sure you don’t feel like it, and I reckon there’s more than a few people that would want to exact violent retribution on your behalf, but now I only want to make a plea for forgiveness. I have tried to remove such a stain from your name, but I can’t trust the wicked people of digital age to do the same even if asked them to do so. Nevertheless, I will make the effort to repair your good name. That is the only thing I want from you now: your forgiveness.

Chapter 5

At this point in time, I’m falling out of love for you. At this point I only feel about parting ways, although I wish we could do so on good terms.

—————————————Interrupting Side Story 11 Start—————————————-

If there is only one song you’d actually listen to while reading this message, it should be “Baker Street” by Gerry Rafferty. The lyrics sum me up perfectly, and that saxophone riff is just excellent. It’s my theme song, no less. Take that, Dave Ramsey.

—————————————Interrupting Side Story 11 End—————————————–

It may not be right in saying this, namely because I really fell in love with a façade, but I thought I had brief, beautiful moment with you. It was so beautiful and ethereal that it could only last for a moment. Still, even the briefest moments can make an impact of a lifetime. This is where I make my last goodbye to you, sweet Mabel. Farewell, and may you forgive me.

_________

Message End